The Odd Marauder Out
by Kikkiyoshi-Star
Summary: None of them fit. They shouldn't have been friends. They were too different. But for now, they were the Marauders.


Peter was positive he didn't fit in with his friends. It wasn't hard to see. They were all so talented, so smart, and he just wasn't. There were so many times where he just couldn't follow their conversations. Especially James and Sirius. (Though he wasn't sure Remus could really follow those ones either. After all, one would get maybe half way through his sentence before the next would respond.) And the only reason he was doing as well as he was at school was because they were dragging him along. Usually, it was Remus who helped him, James and Sirius were too impatient. But they had helped him with the Animagus transformation, for which he was grateful.

He knew he was just trailing along with them. He knew he didn't offer anything to the group. He should just save them all the trouble and leave them alone. The problem was that he didn't want to. For one thing being friends with James and Sirius offered protection. Being friends with Remus was easy, and calming. And James was so cool, and awesome, and everyone wanted to be friends with him. He really was lucky.

But if he was honest with himself he was pretty sure James just let him tag along because he enjoyed having groupies. He loved attention from anyone, good or bad he didn't care. As long as they were watching. Sirius only tolerated him because James did, and thank Merlin because Sirius was terrifying. Even in first year, when none of them knew a lot of magic, Sirius had some seventh years almost pissing themselves. Yep, he never wanted to get on Sirius' bad side. The only one that might actually like him was Remus. But Remus liked everyone, even Slytherins, so he didn't count.

He was sure that one day they would look at him and realize how useless he was. They would fully recognize his weaknesses and cast him away. He would be just another person watching from a distance. Wanting desperately to be a part of their group. Even now he was one of the outsiders. He just had a closer view. He was the odd Marauder out.

Remus would never lie to himself about this, he didn't fit in. Anywhere. He never really could. He'd lost that ability the moment he was bitten. Once a month he became a raging monster. He became a danger to everyone. No one wanted him around, not when they realized what he was. Except for three people.

James, Sirius, and Peter accepted him, despite what he was. They broke the law for him. They were willing to go to Azkaban for him. He didn't understand why. One bad night and he could kill them, Animagi or not. It would be so easy. He could break every bone in James' lean body. He could grab Sirius' neck in his jaw and snap it. He could swallow Peter whole, no problem. Yet they came with him, month after month, despite the danger.

Some day, he was sure, they would realize how dangerous he was. They would realize that he could, and would, kill them. And they would be horrified. They would look at him with the disgust he deserved, he was a monster after all. In the meantime, he would enjoy being part of their group. Taking part in the pranks. Sneaking around the castle. Helping Peter with homework. Comforting them on bad days. He would continue to enjoy their friendship, even if he was the odd Marauder out.

Sirius wasn't born to fit in. His family was full of darkness. That was his inheritance. He had known that he was meant for Slytherin. That's where they all went. He had only hope for a second when the hat was placed on his head, that maybe he wasn't. Because a wild-haired boy on the train talked to him. And he was amazing and brilliant and light and everything his messed up family wasn't. And he wanted to be like that. And that stupid, brilliant hat listened.

Being sorted into Gryffindor was simultaneously the best and the worst thing that had ever happened to him. His family became truly awful, not that they were even remotely good before, (except maybe Regulus, Andy, and Uncle Adolphus) but they had at least been tolerable. But that was ok, because he'd met James, Remus, and Peter. He'd been accepted for who he was and none of them tried to force him to be someone else.

But he was terrified because time and time again they saw the cracks. They were there for his bad days. They watched when he crossed a line, trying to hold him back when they could. They were there after the nightmares. They suffered through his temper before the Christmas and Summer Holidays. They worked with him to fix the lies his family forced him to learn. To fix the stupid habits he'd picked up.

When would they stop trying? When would they realize that he wasn't worth it? He wasn't light like them, he was black. It was something he couldn't escape. Even if he actually left like James kept telling him to, his family would still have a hold on him. Because their blood ran through his veins. He had inherited the Black Family Madness. He could feel it, the darkness, entangling him, choking him.

But it didn't matter. Because for now, his friends wanted him. He would bask in his friends light as long as they would have him. He needed their light to be able to survive the darkness. Someday he was sure they would realize he couldn't be helped and they would get rid of him. Hopefully before his black tainted them. Until then he was happy to be the odd Marauder out.

James could never fit in. He knew that. He didn't carry the pain his friends did. He could only sit on the sidelines, watching his friends fight themselves. He watched as Peter put himself down, not realizing how amazing he was. He watched as Remus thought of himself as a monster, even though he was the kindest person James had ever met. He watched as Sirius, his best mate, drowned in the darkness and insanity that was his family, not bothering to really try to pull himself out.

He tried to help, but how could he? He didn't understand, not really. His parents adored him and didn't care what house he was in or if he wanted to talk to people who weren't purebloods. He was raised to be confident, and became even arrogant at times. He never worried about perceived weaknesses. He didn't look at himself in the mirror and see a monster because of something he couldn't control. He couldn't ever understand. But they understood each other.

Sirius and Peter knew what it was like to hate part of who you were, though they weren't werewolves. Remus understood what it was like to feel darkness try to take control of you, though it wasn't because of his family. Sirius and Remus could understand what it was like to worry that you weren't good enough, though they hid it better than Peter did. Sirius understood what it was like to be hated for who you were. They all understood what it was like to grow up being scared, not knowing what the future held, not knowing if they had a choice.

James didn't. He knew that he would be fine. No matter what he did he'd be able to succeed and be supported. He didn't have darkness trying to claim him. He knew he was good enough, better even. The only one he could think of that hated him that mattered was Lily Evans. And if that was the worst thing life threw at him it was nothing compared to what his friends dealt with from day to day. Compared to the things they hid from the world. The traumas that they acted like it wasn't a big deal. They acted like the pain wasn't crushing them.

He didn't fit in with them, he couldn't. When would they realize that and leave him behind? When would they figure out that they didn't need him, that they had each other? And he was scared for that day to come. Because he needed them. They were his first and only real friends. They were his family. And he didn't want to lose them. But he was sure that someday they would realize that he was the odd Marauder out. And he would be alone.


End file.
